3 Facts for the Day

9 01 2013

1. I sit here holding Chloe in my over-sized living room chair. I’ve always called it my blue’s clues chair. It looks especially large in my tiny living room, but it’s a great size for Mommas to hold their babies. Chloe was napping on her own, but woke up crying for me. She couldn’t seem to stop until I held her and rubbed her head as she fell back asleep. I had just made myself a bowl of popcorn after having put the baby down for a nap. I had put on a Lifetime movie. As I hold my big girl, and glance over at my sleeping infant on the sofa; I am at peace. Just half an hour earlier, I had rocked them both to sleep. After I had Chloe, or rather a little while after I had Chloe and was getting the hang of things; I remember thinking, “This is my calling.” I felt like I was made to be a Mommy. I wanted to do nothing more. These past four weeks have tried to shake me. I’ve felt like I faltered in my role as a Mom. I felt like I wasn’t doing that great. I felt frustrated. I wondered if I was perhaps not as good at “my calling” as I thought. I passed through a multitude of emotions. And the one thing I do know, is that I love my children. I may have a lot still to learn, but I truly enjoy the process. This is what I was meant to be. Mom.
2. My little baby, Bailey, continues to heal, but has a bit to go. Earlier, as I held her and nursed her, I could feel a little rattling from her chest as it resonated into the palm of my hand. I once again prayed for my baby. Pray without ceasing. Yes. He will continue the good work in my child. Before she was born, I felt like God had a special calling for her. I believe that will be fulfilled. I start with trusting Him for the small things, though, like a little wheeze. She is taking her medicine well now. There has been no vomiting in 24 hours. She is eating, peeing, and resting well. When she is awake and especially after a breathing treatment, she coughs a lot. It seems to upset her and she will make a little whimpering sound. I wish I could take it away, but I can’t. So I pat her back. I suction her. I sing to her. I pace. I rub her little head. Her beautiful face melts my heart and when I see her resting so peacefully, I am full to the point of overflowing with love for her.
3. This morning, Ben went to Memphis and he took Chloe with him. Bailey and I had been awake for a couple of hours prior to them getting up. After Ben’s alarm, I put Bailey down to entertain herself for a bit. Chloe woke up then. Ben came to collect her and take her to the kitchen for chocolate milk. I said, “Wait, I’d like to hold her.” When they got back, I got my hug. Then she ran off to her room to play. I watched her from the doorway and realized I had not played with her in her room for a while. I missed playing with her. It’s been a little busy around here. (Understatement of the Year). Ben has really taken Chloe under his wing. They’ve become buddies. That’s what he calls her, my little buddy. On Tuesday whenever I was busy with the baby, she would say, “I want my Daddy.” He was at work. I find solace in knowing that things will settle down eventually. We will get in more of a natural rhythm. I will play with Chloe and I’ll be Daddy and Chloe’s buddy. Bailey will be our other little buddy. I’m so happy to have a husband who pitches in so much to help with the kids and the house. This has been a booming start to the New Year. I’m ready to be able to look back on some of it and laugh, though. Chloe is awake now and so, of course, Bailey is also starting to stir. It’s time for nursing, more medicine, breathing treatments, diaper changes, and Macaroni and Cheese. Bring it on!
That is all 🙂

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