3 Facts for the Day

29 01 2013

1. Have you ever had a dream feel so real that it frightens you? Have you ever cried in a dream and the emotions are so vibrant that you can feel the pain ripping you apart? This is the kind of nightmare that I woke from this morning. I dreamed that someone I love very much, died. In my dream she died right before my very eyes. Just collapsed. Brain aneurysm. It was a very thorough and very real dream. It wasn’t like those weird flying dreams where people are naked and animals talk. No, it was like real life. In my dream, I went through the tasks you have to take when someone close to you dies. In my dream, I even went to her work to clean out her desk. It ended up being too emotional. There was more in her office than I thought, and I had the girls with me. This dream missed nothing in the way of realism!
2. When I woke up I was naturally shaken from my nightmare. Ben was getting ready to leave for work, and I briefly shared it with him. I didn’t share my fears. It had kind of freaked me out. When I was a teenager I dreamed my Grandma died. A week later she really did. It had been unexpected. So since that incident, death dreams have always scared me. I tried to push it from my mind. I had assumed I was very capable of dealing with death and dying. After having been through the death of my Mom; I figured since I had gotten through such a tragedy, I would be capable of dealing with anything. But this dream had accosted my thoughts with just how I would feel and handle such a loss. I had nothing in reality to grieve, but the mere thought of it actually happening was really affecting me. I wasn’t ready for this at all!
3. As I still sat there thinking about it, my phone rang. She was pulling into my driveway for an unexpected visit! It was so good to see her face, to give her a hug, to talk, and to laugh together. As a Christian, I know that the people I love, who know Jesus as I do, will only die to this earth. I know in my heart that they and I will live on in a place of beauty beyond what my small mind can fathom. I am only human though. I am glad that my Mom doesn’t have to experience the pain she felt here on earth anymore, but I still want her here with me. I want her to hold my babies and listen to my worries, but I’m glad that she now doesn’t have to experience worry. It’s so hard and beyond complex. The death of a loved one is a celebration, but also a mourning. I think it’s because my human mind can’t even begin to comprehend the expansiveness of an after-life. Since I can only see the world around me, I grieve when people I love leave it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I think it’s just one of those things we can’t completely understand. I do know that I can’t imagine how I could deal with death if not for my belief in God and us becoming His bride. When she left my house, I hugged her a little tighter. I’ll tell you the truth. I prayed to God to let her stay with me a bit longer on this earth, that I wasn’t ready for her to leave me too. I take peace in knowing that when He does decide to take her home, He will give me the strength to get through her passing and help me realize and celebrate that she is with Him and my Mommy.
That is all 🙂

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