3 Facts for the Day

3 05 2013

1. What makes for a bad day? Like, what happens that causes everything to work in concert for a bad day to emerge? What if it’s like a looming manhole with the cover missing. Can you just not see it coming until you’re right up on it, and it’s too late to step to the side? Do you wish bad days came with a do over? Like, maybe the director could yell “cut, take two!” Would you finally learn your lines after you realized you flubbed them up the first time around? What if there was a play-back recording you could watch and see where you went wrong?
2. I couldn’t quite understand what was going on with my day! Everything was a big deal. It usually is with a two year old, but double time today. Her “finger hurt!” she cried. It was a tiny paper cut. Her “mouth hurt!” It’s dry lips. Try some Chapstick? “No! It burns!” Everything was worthy of many tears, from her favorite show not being on, to wanting some yogurt. It was like someone suddenly pulled off their anti-depressant and the resultant withdrawals became ever present. Bailey (a normal self-soother) was incapable of being put down. I rocked them at the same time. I loved on them. I got snacks. I found the favorite show on demand. Nothing seemed to make it all okay. What’s the reason? Is there one? I found myself getting very short fused. Ridiculous tears made me want to snap. I raised my voice. Chloe actually told me, “When you get mad, it makes me act bad.” How eye opening is that? Ben asked me this week if I was starting my period! Are my mood, short fuse, or angry reactions the stem of my kids’ bad mood? Good question. I don’t know. There’s no real way to know who slid off the manhole cover, and trying to figure that out could consume you with guilt. I guess the important part is looking at the play-back, and see where you were looking (instead of down) when you fell in.
3. So, I did the only thing I knew to do. I prayed. I prayed for God to help me be the mother He wanted me to be. I prayed that He would help me with my temper. If anyone can, it’s Him. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to flood my home with peace, for me, and for the girls. They were as tense as I was! Right after my prayer, I walked back in the room and found Chloe had taken all the laundry I had folded and thrown it on the floor. Deep breath. I corrected her, but I’d like to think I did it with a level head and regular tone of voice. I think I did. That’s the thing about giving your life over to God. He just makes you want to change everything. You don’t want anger, or thoughtless behavior, or anything really that doesn’t reflect an attitude like Jesus. I don’t want to be perfect. I know I can’t be. Only Jesus and Mary Poppins are perfect. I don’t want perfect. I just want a better me. It may not make the bad days go away, but it will help me deal with them better when they do come. So I can’t have a do over, but I can prevent a repeat.
That is all 🙂

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