3 Facts for the Day

3 06 2013

1. This may sound a little crazy to some. To others, they may completely understand. Here goes. I miss my little baby’s round head. There’s just something about that fuzzy dome that I love. I think about it, and I’m instantly smiling. This morning, around 2 am, my sweet, Charlie Brown headed, baby girl woke up. I nursed her back to sleep easily enough. I started to go put her back in her room, but I changed my mind. Instead I laid down in the bed with her, safely tucked in the crook of my arm. This did two things. First, it meant I wouldn’t really and truly fall back asleep. Secondly, and most importantly, it made Mommy’s heart happy. While it would be a tiny foot kicking me in the stomach that woke me; when I did wake, I could smile down at that adorable, round head.
2. Getting to spend a few extra hours with the baby on a work day is especially precious. Even though the majority of the time is spent sleeping, I can still feel the difference. Other mornings when I wake up at alarm time and then go get her to feed her before work, it seems like I’m left wanting more. Those 15 minutes or so that I rock and feed her, go by very quickly. When the time is up, I don’t want to lay her down. I can just leave for work more contentedly, if I’ve had adequate Mommy and baby time. I’m not sure what it is about having a child that makes you want to see them so badly. I’ll be just ticking right along at work, busy as a bee, and then suddenly will think of them and miss them. I think of Bailey’s little, round head, and wide open mouth. I imagine her flapping her arms and making excited grunting sounds when she looks at me. I think of Chloe’s gap toothed grin and beautiful baby blues. I know she’s mine, so I’m partial, but I can’t help but believe that my child is absolutely gorgeous. When will I stop feeling this way? Ever? How can my girls go on dates or get married if their Momma is this attached? Glad I got some time before that.
3. I definitely plan on spending some valuable Chloe and Mommy time together tonight after the baby is asleep. I feel kind of bad for yelling at her last night. When I got home from work last night, the sitter began to update me on the day. She asked about where I kept the extra milk. I went to show her and realized it had all been used already. I began to feel bad, like it was my fault I wasn’t producing enough milk to keep a freezer surplus for the baby. As I’m standing at the freezer, and the sitter is still talking, Chloe stands at my feet repeating, over and over, “I want fruit snacks Mommy!” I don’t know why, if it was fatigue from my day, or concern for my lactation, or maybe just because, but I snapped. I yelled down at her (very loudly), “Can’t you be quiet?!!” She immediately started bawling her eyes out. That’s always lemon juice in a paper cut. I apologized. I hugged and wiped tears. I tried to explain my actions. I apologized again. I told her I loved her. Sigh. I hate, hate, hate when I yell at my child. I recently read an article that told me that didn’t make me a bad Mom. Well, that doesn’t make me feel any better. I think of her tears and I’m disappointed in myself. I suppose I’ll just keep trying to do better at that. But there will definitely be books, popcorn, and snuggles tonight, just so she has no doubt how much Mommy loves her.
That is all šŸ™‚

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