3 Facts for the Day

2 07 2013

1. As most of you know, Monday is our fun day. It’s the only day off together that Ben and I have. I usually want to do something fun as a family. While my husband does too, he usually has man things he wants to accomplish as well. Then there’s little errands that must be done. It can end up making Monday a busy day. That’s usually why you’ll see my blog post after 10 pm. I don’t get around to, or have the desire to write it until after baby bedtime. This Monday ended up being a little different than most. This Monday we also had a funeral to attend.
2. My Uncle passed away this weekend. His battle with cancer is finally over. Today we gathered to celebrate his life. That’s the way the slide show said it, “Celebrating Life”, and I could get behind that. Ben and I chose to take all three girls with us. I’ve spoken to Chloe about death. I’ve told her that my Mommy is in heaven when we look at her pictures. I don’t think she understands the gravity, of course, but it is a subject we’ve breached. My Uncle is being cremated, so I wasn’t expecting an open casket, but as we entered, it was there. I’m of two minds about that. I understand and agree with being able to say goodbye. I think it can be a needed closure. But I remember my Mom’s, and don’t have good memories. Often after death, especially with prolonged illness, the body that is left behind will not resemble the one you loved. I didn’t think my Mom looked like herself, and wish I didn’t have that memory in my head. When we walked in, we walked by the casket to hug my Aunt. Chloe asked me in a whisper, “Is he dead Momma?” I told her yes, and we moved to our seat. Ben didn’t seem to like the serious look on her face, and I too wonder if we did the right thing by bringing her. We probably thought more of it later than she did. Ben ended up taking her and Marlie home, as they seemed too tired and restless to make it through the ceremony. I decided I wanted to stay to support my Aunt, and kept Bailey with me. I saw so much emotion in that room. I, of course, saw sadness. We try to “celebrate life” but it’s hard not to mourn. I sat beside my Aunt on my Mom’s side who lost her husband to cancer 5 years ago. I knew this was a hard day for her too, as she remembered her own loss and empathized with the widow. I think death, when so close in proximity, will make anyone who has experienced loss, feel anew the grief of a loved one gone. I felt my heart breaking for my Aunt up front as she said goodbye to her husband of over 30 years. I thought of my own spouse. The eulogy offered hope of seeing our family member again. I’m really not sure how an atheist can handle death. How could you work through grief if you thought they were gone forever? I don’t know. It must feel pretty hopeless and pointless. It must be an empty existence, and that makes me sad to think of it. Grief is still there despite a belief in the afterlife. I still grieve for my Mom, as I know others do for their loved ones. It’s hard, even as a believer, to let someone go, and fathom eternity. The time here on earth seems too long a time to wait, but then you look around at the current beauty surrounding you, and you go on. The sadness never goes away, does it? It just gets a little easier to deal with.
3. We still worked to make our Monday a fun day. After I returned home with the baby, we went for ice cream. We took our frosty treats downtown and walked around. It’s funny how you can do something so simple, yet derive such joy from it. I don’t know if perhaps the very real grief and pain I saw today made me appreciate it more, or if it was there all along. Either way, I just smiled and smiled as I watched the girls play. They ran down the sidewalks, ducking into alcoves and swinging on poles. They climbed steps and stood beside monuments, saying “take my picture.” Yep, definitely my kids. I indulged their inner runway models and snapped away, of course. I too felt like a child, and as we entered a soft grassy area; I removed my shoes and ran. The girls thought my idea was genius and followed suit. So we were three blond girls (one just a tad older and slower) running free through the grass, enjoying the way it felt on bare toes. It felt good. It felt needed. I don’t know if it would heal all raw emotions, but I would suggest trying it to you. Sometimes you just need to look around you at the joy and run barefoot in the grass.
That is all 🙂

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2 responses

2 07 2013
Anna

I saw y’all walking when I drove through town after the girls ballgame. It was a beautiful night to do it.

2 07 2013
Brie

It was so nice! Wonderful weather for this time of year.

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